Spock's Night Out
by SneverusSnapers
Summary: Spock decides to join his friends for a drink but things soon go terribly wrong. Set in the Academy as if Spock was a room-mate with Kirk.


Spock's Night Out

Spock followed Kirk nervously into the local tavern. He glanced down once again at the hideous attire Kirk had forced him into wearing. He read for the umpteenth time the ridiculous caption printed on the shirt: "I'm an angel really!" Underneath was depicted a devil. Highly illogical. Spock wondered if Kirk had intentionally picked this particular shirt out, but he dismissed it from his well organised mind as he saw Kirk throw back the door and swagger in. Spock followed quietly.

"Scotty, Sulu, Uhura, Chekov, Bones!" Kirk bellowed

Spock folded his arms.

There was a long table situated in the centre of the room around which sat his classmates.

Kirk vaulted over the back of Sulu's chair and slid under the table to emerge the other side next to Scotty.

"Siddown!". Kirk gestured to the only remaining seat situated between himself and McCoy.

Spock approached the chair and drew it back slowly, looking around him as he sat down.

"Drinks!" shouted McCoy "Who's buyin?"

Several murmured excuses were directed towards McCoy.

"It's my birthday." Chekov shrugged.

Spock raised an eyebrow.

"Hey!" gasped an annoyed Uhura "I thought it was last week!"

"Yeah…" agreed Sulu "I bought you a present!"

"Shhhhh…" Chekov hushed.

"Alright, alright…" Kirk gave in "I will. So. Whaddya want?"

The tavern was shrouded in shouts of various beverages.

"One at a time, one at a time."

"Whisky!"

"Wodka!"

"Wine!"

"Beer!"

"Bones?"

"D'ya think they have romulan ale?"

Spock interrupted "McCoy, are you aware that romulan ale is an illegal substance as agreed in the planetary treaty of stardate…"

"Of course I'm aware you pointed eared hobgoblin! Ok. Make it two whiskies'."

"And a rum for me. Wait a second, I've missed someone…Spock…what about you?"

Spock saw all eyes turn towards him. "I believe a lemonade would be quite adequate."

McCoy waited for Kirk to reach the bar "_Lemonade?"_ he scoffed " What, can't your Vulcan metabolism handle it _George!_"

Spock's head whipped towards Kirk…_How dare he reveal my Earth name…no…I am in control of my emotions…I am in control of my emotions…I am in…_

"I'm talking to you George!"

Spock was snapped back to reality. "It is not a question of whether my metabolism is capable of coping with alcohol, it is merely a custom of my planet to drink non-alcoholic beverages. And please refrain from calling me by my Earth name." he concluded.

McCoy shrugged.

"Leave him alone Bones, he's a freak, everyone knows that!" called Kirk from the bar. He returned, arms laden with drinks.

Spock sipped his lemonade slowly. Vulcan drinks were preferable although on Earth a lemonade wasn't bad.

"So." announced Scotty "How'd you find the exam?"

He was referring, Spock assumed, to the exam that had taken place earlier that day.

"Impossible!" said McCoy with a scornful laugh "Would you believe it? Only one question on medicine!"

Spock was bursting to say how illogical it was to use 'would you believe it' in that context. Evidently they had taken the exam too, so they would obviously believe that there was only one question on medicine.

"It wasn't that bad." added Sulu.

"You shouldn't just concentrate on medicine, you know Leonard, they might not let you be a surgeon!" said Uhura advisingly.

"Well." Said McCoy, a tone of menace in his voice, "If that's the case then I will get my scalpel and slowly decapitate them. Starting with the eyes." He held up a knife and motioned in the air with it. "What I'll do, is I'll scrape around the sockets very slowly…I suppose you've heard of that ancient Egyptian method of removing the brain through the nose…"

Uhura gasped.

"Don't worry, I wouldn't do that…yet…I'd make sure that they felt every ounce of pain that I sent their way…"

"Illogical!" blurted out Spock "pain is not measured in ounces."

"Why you green blooded…"

Kirk stepped in "So, how'd _you _find the exam Spock?"

"In short, it was relatively simple. I was a little confused on question 456 h). I was unsure if it referred to a high or low relative frequency to the question."

" I didn't even know it was talking about frequencies!" Chekov added.

"Wait!" sneered McCoy "Question _what_? I only got up to 112 out of 500 and I was hard pushed to manage that!"

Spock's cool remark was interrupted as a group of giggling girls from the next table made a beeline towards them.

"Hey, not wearing your usual jumper I see!" the ringleader giggled.

"Hey Chapel, whaddya mean…jumper?" McCoy asked, sounding interested.

"Oh…" Kirk began in an overly casual way "Just his lumpy, woollen, grey, sweater."

"What!" said McCoy, his face lighting up.

"His grey sweater!" Kirk repeated. "The one he _always_ wears."

Chekov let out a burst of laughter.

"Well you're one to talk, you're overly fond of wearing that bearskin hat…and this is San Francisco!" Sulu said nastily, elbowing Chekov playfully in the side.

"And vat about your silken dressing gown?" Chekov replied.

Sulu lunged at Chekov and they rolled on the floor, punching each other.

"I fight? I love fights!" shouted Kirk gleefully and he punched Scotty in the face.

Spock raised an eyebrow and continued to sip his lemonade as all hell broke loose.

McCoy looked around for a target and spotted Spock. He smiled nastily as he brought down his arm, walloping him in the back of the head. Spock was half way through gulp of lemonade at the time and consequently sprayed his icy beverage across the room.

"HEY!" Kirk gasped in a headlock by Scotty "Don't get any of that green blood on MY shirt McCoy!"

"I'll try not to!" McCoy laughed.

Spock felt the need to intervene "McCoy, the odds of you injuring me sufficiently to leave bloodstains on my shirt are approximately 67.982 to 1. _Your_ shirt, however, will be not so lucky." And with that, he grabbed McCoy and pinned him against the table. McCoy kicked Spock hard in the stomach and leapt to his feet. Uhura cheered and Chapel instantly slapped her viciously. Uhura's face became stony as she dived towards her attacker, soon they too had fallen to the floor.

"WHAT… IS GOING ON?" boomed an imposing voice from the doorway. Everyone scrambled to their feet. It was one of the academy instructors who had incidentally popped down for a quick pint or two. Instead of finding the normal tranquil atmosphere he had been faced with the unfortunate scene. Several pairs of nervous eyes looked up at him. "Who started the fight?" he asked menacingly. There was a stony silence. Then a voice broke out "Spock did!". It was McCoy. Soon everyone was pointing in Spock's direction as the real truth was that they simply couldn't remember after the exhilarating thrill that they had just encountered.

"Spock…well… I shall have to inform your father about this…"

Spock stiffened. _If his father found out…he would never be able to return home again…not that that made much difference…Oh dear…he was in deep trouble…_


End file.
